Every time I toss salad I don't use these [holds up claws]

That's the second gayest thing you've ever said after 'i want to suck your dick.'

You can't put a chick in a big dong competition.

Hey guess what? If you get decapitated, you don't get to compete in jeopardy.

What's the difference between a prosthetic leg and a prosthetic leg?

I like dick, I've just never had any.